Today

Today, he has been gone for over a week. Most everyone is on their way home. I am sitting in my house trying to break my head and find a way to make every memory vivid.

I had no idea that when I left on my trip on the 13th, I would never see him again. I had no idea that when I spoke to him that Friday, I would never hear him again.

Today, I am lost. Today, my world has crumbled. Today, I can't see a tomorrow.

The house is cold, but I can see him everywhere.... well, maybe only feel him.

His Dad and one of his friend/brother brought him home on Friday. I put him in his office and I go in there and touch... I am not sure what I am touching, but it is all I have left.

I keep going through the house and looking for things that smell like him. I keep trying to remember pictures, or videos, or anything. I need to hold on to him.

Why can't he come back?? Why did he leave me? I can't do this. I can't take this emptiness. I need to feel his hand in mine, his arms around me, his lips, his hair, HIM.

But that is not going to happen. I will never hold him again.

So the journey begins.... One step at a time I will in his words "get up every morning and do what I have to do, because I have to". I will take care of our pups. I will pick up the pieces of our life and rebuild them into a new life that he would be proud of.

I will do honor to the wonderful man I had the privilege to call husband, best friend, love.